by Marlene Schoenberg, Ed.M., Ethnic Communication Arts, 651-699-9233

Children naturally ask questions. They're just curious. Teenagers' questions might sound rebellious. As working adults, we have to ask the right questions to move to the next level. Why is it that some questions require great courage to ask? There's nothing wrong in asking a question...or is there?

In some cultures, questioning authority is the greatest form of disrespect.  Elders and those in power are perceived as making perfect decisions. Direct questions are seen as confrontational. Members of those societies do exactly what they are told or face the consequences.

At work, scientists always ask questions to make breakthroughs. In 1957,  Earl Bakken asked an important question when an infant tragically died in surgery after a power failure. He questioned, "Why can't we use transistor battery  help to keep the electricity flowing for an external pacemaker without relying on the power grid?" This question led to the growth of an industry.

Questions are the sparks for our inventiveness.  When questions flow, we are moving forward in our careers, when they stop, we stagnate.  Asking the right questions are opportunities waiting to happen.

It is the intentions behind questions that matter.  If a policeman gives us a ticket and we ask a seemingly innocent question, is our intention to be subversive?  In some cases, the recipient may perceive a different intention and if we don't clarify it, there could be a misunderstanding.

Asking a question takes courage. This includes the courage to step forward and accept the consequences.  The consequences might be positive such as expressing the unspoken doubts of the group. Sometimes we worry if we should be asking the question at all; too much worry inhibits our ability to ask.  

Asking questions needs to be reframed positively from a position of assertiveness.  In some cultures, questions must be framed to get a yes answer.  In Midwestern American culture, we are allowed to say "no" when necessary.  This might be dressed up in polite phrases such as, "I don't think so." or "That wouldn't work for me today.".  Also, the same question at a different time might get a different answer.

The word question begins with the syllable "quest"; no, we're not talking about the phone company.  A quest is the pursuit of a path.  If a question helps you meet a goal (and does not insult or injure somebody else in the asking) you have every right to ask your question.  It takes courage to express your opinion to be valued and counted.

If your performance review is coming up and you didn't understand some words in your previous performance review, you have the right to ask what those words mean. They can mean different things in different contexts to different people.

There are 7 types of helpful questions :

1.  Questions to ask for more details about a situation
2. Questions to verify and make sure
3. Questions to resolve discrepancies
4. Honest questions to sincerely understand more
5. Questions to clarify the meanings of ambiguous phrases
6. Questions to follow the right steps in a procedure
7. Questions about the differences between rules on paper and how things really work

There are only 2 types of questions that might be perceived as negative:

1.       Innocent personal questions which may not be appropriate in another culture  (How old are you?)

2.       Angry questions with the intention to blame, intimidate or insult people.

Tips about Asking Questions

1. No honest, sincere question is a dumb question. You have to think carefully how to word it to get the results you expect.  How you come across depends on phrasing, intonation, who you're asking, the right timing and the situation at hand. Some questions are better e-mailed than asked verbally.
2. Let go of the "fear of asking questions" that our immigrant parents may have taught us. Asking for a visa to the U.S.A. in the former U.S.S.R in the 1980s was asking to have your life and career severely limited. In the United States, asking a question is not a crime, it's just an everyday part of life.
3. Shore up your courage to ask the difficult questions and increase your confidence.  Start small and easy. Begin by taking small risks and asking inconsequential questions; then build up to important questions of important people.
4.  Just because you ask the question, it doesn't mean you're going to get the answer that you want .  Asking for a raise may not get you one but may boost your confidence and lead you closer to what you want in the future.  An article in the Star Tribune Parade Magazine (April 11,2010) said, "The right times to ask for a raise are: when your work is adding to the bottom line, if you are handling more work, if your contributions have become more important, if the company is doing well and if your salary hasn't kept up with the marketplace."
5. You may be surprised when you ask; you may get something different or something even better.
6. Build your courage to ask for what you need.  Tell yourself positive thoughts. Often the fears we build up are worse than the actual situation.  This may include the courage to seek coaching or mentoring for the next level.
7. It takes courage to make changes in your natural communication style. You have to give yourself pep talks and motivate yourself into making adjustments. This might not feel natural at first, but with a coach to get you through the rough spots in the beginning,  you can move forward.  If you attempt the same thing by yourself, you might get discouraged and stop trying.
8. It's O.K.to step forward. If a well known saying in your culture is "The first in the flock gets shot", you may tend to hold back your questions. If you were taught, "The nail sticking up gets hammered down", you may be reluctant to stand out from the crowd.
9. Be ready to ask different kinds of questions.  The kinds of questions we ask change at different points in our lives and career. Sometimes you need to ask a new set of questions in order to survive and thrive.  Different personality types tend to ask certain kinds of questions.  An aggressive person will ask "what" questions. A passive person will ask "how" questions.  An analytic person will ask, "why" questions and an expressive person will ask  "who" questions.
10.  Most of all , sometimes we have to learn to get out of our own way and ask something different to get new results.

Asking questions takes gathering all your strength and courage to leave what you know, move forward and deal with the unknown. The right questions will bring you supporters along the way.

Once you take that first courageous step and are persistent in pursuing your questions, it's amazing how it gets easier and easier. If your natural style is to be a listener at a meeting, it takes courage to speak up and ask.  Being in the moment helps you connect your questions to the speaker.  If your natural style is to wait until someone tells you what to do, it takes courage to initiate.  It takes courage to try something new and stick to the change you want to make.

Remember the wise saying, "Courage is not the absence of fear or despair but the strength to conquer them."; Go ahead!  You can do it. Just ask!